I'm just an emotional kid [July 19th, 2006] Oh Isabelle what can i do just because it feels allright...  ... so isabelle just try to understand ...  this song really tough my heart. i dont know why , is it its beat its lyrics or is it her beautiful voice.  summer fling was here and gone. i wished i could say goodbye but i could not. it's hard how i wont see my fling for two months. i know it's not good for me. but what can i do. i just keep falling in and deeper and deeper everytime. i wonder if he feels the same. oh yes he flirted back but what can i do. i have doubts in me. i'm scared it would never work out. i tried to forget my love. but everything just kept popping up. the memory was there and it is still here. the man that i loved ... i know and feel it's not meant to be. and there's not excuse that i did fall for him. the imperfection, the laughter, the sayings and all of those moments. what can i do but wait for time to pass by. i'm standing and sitting, but the molody is playing in my head . up and down . i want to find a way to get out. how do i deal with this? Time cannot heal everything... post comment

[June 15th, 2006] You Are 88% Happy It's unlikely that you know anyone happier than you. You know how to be happy, no matter what life throws at you. How Happy Are You? post comment

The Reason to Escape [June 13th, 2006] Bitterness is my sickness The craziness of falling in for you I need a reason to escape To escape the truth that i can't face this I can't face being your friend  But i want you so bad  i'm afraid to have you even if i can Because you broke me into pieces  I don't even know why you mean so much My heart knows how to beat faster It knows how to bleed It knows how to give me pain I can't escape you The happiness that i found from you It's so real that i can't escape  There's so much more i want to say I need to let you know how i feel I'm scared ... I try to hate you Who knows... hate revolves into love And it isn't what i expect  Expect the unexpected Yeah i guess ...  post comment

Neward Tournament [April 16th, 2006] Everyday of my life ... all of my life ... my dreams ... my hopes ... are being crushed and shatter just a like a mirror. My heart and feeling is broken , it can be heal but it will never be the same . post comment

Badminton season [March 20th, 2006] [ mood | refreshed ] Dude so many things happened at school and i have no time to update. It's about boys, badminton and my grade. For my grade i did poorly and i have no regret cuz that's what i deserved for not trying hard and for slacking so much. For badminton, i'm coming up with a new stra. Although my orginal goal was to beat #1 double at indy with Hao. Since i don't play with Hao, it's up to Tracey and Anh now. I have a lot of confidences in them and they should be careful b/c indy coach knows how tracey and anh play. For boys, they are stupid hahaha. I'm the simplest girl ... lilke me? talk to me then ask for a date? If i like then keepp on dating if not stay at friend... What's so hard to understand ???? dumbass jk I GOT A NEW HAIR CUT , MY BANG MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A DOLLS but i dont know why i'm happy about it. As usual my dad gave it :" WHY DID YOU CUT IT FOR. IT'S UGLY." Well first I dont give a shit about your comment and i didn't ask for your opinion so get lost.  I like my hair HAHAHA although it didn't turn out the way i really wanted it to be. Man SAT is coming and i havent studied ... not like i want UC that much. Anyway teddy bear is pretty fun to talk to , well i respect his opinions but seriously he talks like he's becoming my big brother... which i'm not saying it's a bad thing but i got annoyed a little bit.  hummm i'm going to junior prom , my date is a secret hahaha not really I NEED A DRESS. gosh i hate prom... $$$ out of my pocket. it should be fun or imma get mad. 2 comments|post comment

I had a scary dream yestrerday [January 28th, 2006] [ mood | tired ] OMG yesterday I had a weirdest dream about badminton. This is how it went.So you know how much i love badminon rite? In my dream i was at Smash City and i was just standing there talking to my friends. For some reason i was flicking my wrist and then moment later my Kason F2 racket broke. It broke in such a weird way ... i dont even know how to describe it . I was like WTH ? Then i laughed and said " Wow i have a reason to buy new racket now !" And i was gonna buy from Alyssa the Yonex one . It's so scary how i just thought about buying new racket and then suddenly at nite i had a dream about it. In my dream , it even helped me break the racket. ehaosieoehgoiwaeoighwehgisieog . It might be a good sign. Usually bad stuffs mean good stuffs in real life. I'm in need for a new pair of shoes, my Kason shoes are so terrible ... Coach Lili said i'm slow >.<  Ok i will hit faster in Daniel's training. but we dont get to hit that much -.- post comment

Personal quizes [January 22nd, 2006] Your Seduction Style: Au Natural You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you. What Kind of Seducer Are You? You Have a Choleric Temperament You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior. What Temperment Are You? All American Kid Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain. You were well rounded and well liked in high school. Who Were You In High School? Your French Name is: Voletta du Chevalier What's Your French Name? Your Hidden Talent You have the power to persuade and influence others. You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around. The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it. Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think! What's Your Hidden Talent? post comment

After Finals [January 14th, 2006] [ mood | pleased ] Forget about finals. I'm so thankful for everything in my life although my family is not how i want it to be. Life is not fair because thing never goes the way it should. My summer will be great. I'm don't know why i'm so dedicated to badmintOn. It's just a type of sport anyway... but now i realize how much badmintOn gave me in return, everything was paid off. -I had my first bestfriend ever, Patrick. And he was the one who pushed me... wow i could put up with him. -Self-motivation -Dedication -Passion -Faith -Save money because it's so important -Concentration -Patience -Speed -Friendship -Never give up I found out that I lived three houses away from Dan N. I don't know what i will do with badminton after high school yet but i want to somehow continue. I admire a lot of my friends for their talents and who they are. post comment

wanna know how i think? [November 30th, 2005] [ mood | enraged ] you know? im sick and tired of my dad. I sometimes want him to die but other time i feel so sorry for him. He's so predictable as in imginaring things that DO NOT EXIT. He thinks that my mom had an affair with her guy friend. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD? And he told me and my brother that she betrays us and she's a whore. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO? SHOOT whatever that was in that way . mother fucking shithole. I know his bad and his good side but i'm always looking to his positive side and forgive him for his rudeness. He yelled at me and my brother...what for? for my brother not washing his FUCKING DISH. This is how he yelled :"I work hard and raise you brats, for you sitting here and be lazy . What the hell did you mom teach you? To be disrespectful to me ? and a selfish asshole?..." Just from there my head was burning like vocano. Do you know what mom tell us about you? She told us about your bad side and your good side, and she was RIGHT ALL ALONG. But what? She told us not to be disrespectful to you because you're my father. She told us not to talk back whenever he yelled. He went over to his brothers and sisters house and blah blah shit about my mother. You said that you love me and my brother. Let's list how much you have done: you raised us by your hard work and i FUCKING KNOW IT, you gave us money THANK YOU, everything good that you did i'm very thankful but everytime you mention that you love us... it means involving money $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. CHING CHING IS FUCKING ALL YOU CARE. I DONT NEED YOUR DAMN FUCKING PITIFUL MONEY . I can earn myself . No matter what my father tries to do, he always says bad shit behind my mom back. I responded by closing my ears with my hands and i said BE QUITE. Have you guys seen Lindsay Lohan new music video ? "COnfession of my broken heart?" That is exactly how i FELT . I cried and i begged to stop it . I love lindsay lohan, i feel the way she feels. My love forever belongs to my mother, the best hero...without her i would collapse and commit suicide. Of course you my friends, non of you know this . First because i dont tell anyone of you and second I'M ASHAMED. I cry because Kenneth's dad is such a nice person, i wish my dad can be like him. So my mom's father is the only man that i ever loved. Dude i miss him so much, i haven't seen him in three years. Everyday of my childhood, i spent time with him like my bestfriend. We made coffee and tea together, i picked inserts for his birds... We went to the zoo. I was the first niece on my mom side so i was really lucky to spend a lot of time with him. When i heard him went to the hospital because of heart problems, i cried so much in my sleep and hoping him to be safe and alive. I felt the happiness of his voice when we spoke on the phone. Whenever i mention or think about my grand-pere... tears just come and come . okay that's enough. now i feel much better. 2 comments|post comment

My dreams [November 4th, 2005] Hi i'm back. I will always talk about my dreams even though it seems impossible but so what? I will never know until i try. I want to be in CCS. I have faith ..dur im practicing but still i'm not even tiny bit close. Anyway my life is already planned out by me. I have two plans . After i'm done with UC and college application and school. I will apply my porfolio to ELITE model managemen(one of top 10 model agency) . hehehe even if i wont make it... i will try until the end. I'm not afraid because i have back-up plan which also include my favorite jobs as designer. I told my mom about my back up plan ( never in my life i'll tell her my real plan, she will be shocked) , so she supported me. I and Katrina are planning on taking fashion classes at Academy of Art in SF ( in summer) . It will give me some experiences and basic knowledge to create my pre-collection. I want to use my taste and bring it to life . A lot dramas have been going on at home but i dont give a crap anyway. I'm EMO jk ! I'm not. I remember in 7th grade i got into the biggest trouble, guess what i was the only one who didn't cry. Let's just put it this way, i looked to the possitive way , i calmed myself and it made me think clearly. A lot of people are not able to do that ... weird... And a tiny problem would make me jump up and down But im still mad that i messed up my damn math test. CLOSE TO PERFECT SCORE. i'm obsessed b/c i have never gotten perfect score (except chem and french...) . I love MY HUMPS . It's cute hahahha. I and Patrick got crazy by listening to the song. PEACE. thanks ANH for helping me in French, i got EC ! 5 comments|post comment

Moving to a new house [September 25th, 2005] After two years living in my current house, my parent decided to move. We have to find a house by the end of this month and move out immediately. Right now my dad is still waiting for a phone call, i hope that he will say yes to my dad. Because we really want to move to that house, it's nice and clean with a pool ^_-... pool party eh !!! So lately i'm pretty busy with my classes and hw , jk kinda . AP us history's getting pretty tough but i guess i can handle it for a while. I'm satisfied with my schedule this year. I'm a junior now and i'm slacking off at everything, i dont even have a permit yet. sigh ... and i really want to get a badminton training program. Permit and badminton are the two things that's up to me right now. Yesterday i wasted my time looking at models and fashion , clothing... I found out that there are a lot of competition in American where they search for models ... I mean i can be a model. I love to be a model, it's a dream since i was eight. I would walk across the house while watching fashion show... it was pretty funny. I'm scared at the same time because i'm afraid of my parent's disapproval. I want to be successful and to do what i love and what i feel passionate for but without my parent's support and comfort, i don't have any confidences at all. Just a Yes from them can make me feel happy. I'm 5'7 and half, look at Kate Moss she's 5'7. Riley Keough is also 16 ( Elvis's granddaughter) and she's 5'6 or 5'7. Well i don't know what to do anymore but i don't want to become a lady with a husband and kids, watching fashion show and cry my heart out .... whining ... "i could be one of those model up there !" I want to TRY , i want to know how does it feel to have a dream comes true and even if i'm not gonna be like Gemma Ward or Inguna , i still want to know does it feel to do the catwalk. That's why i'm studying so hard for UCLA , because once i will be at LA i will make a shot no matter what ( i mean durr... i'll be 18 by then). Let's end it here or I will go crazy. 4 comments|post comment

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME AND YVONNE [August 30th, 2005] Happy Birthday to me and Yvonne If Yvonne and I had the same mother , we would be twins ! Thanks guys for everything ...hugs...present...$$ happybirthday... I'm 16 ! Have to get my permit to drive dude ! get some hot guys 6 comments|post comment

Bad things [August 28th, 2005] [ mood | irritated ] As you can see, i have new layout and i think it's really pretty. I dislike a person, i want to hate that person but i can't. He won't shut up . He can talk just about anything... money .... money is all he cares. Whenever i and my brother do something wrong, he goes "I work hard and shit with money for you two ...blahing." I'm thankful for your money but have you ever given us your warm feeling or anything like mom does? Mom always provides us what we need, she's there to listen and to help us. She understands us and we understand her. Do you understand mom? me? or my brother? NO You are so predictable. You judge what we do and what we wear, do we judge how awefully you treat us ? One time you spilled the coffee cup all over the floor when you were pissed or bad mood, you didn't go and get the damn towel to clean up . You just sat there and watched the mother fucking TV. You demanded me to clean your mess up, i was pissed and angry but what did i do? I cleaned it anyway. There was another time when i was on my brother's side , because my brother was right. My brother wanted to see 30 mins show that he liked . Guess what you didn't allow him to, my brother then went to the computer . I was next to him, the next thing i knew you fucking threw the remote at me. You didn't know that the remote hit my left ear. It hurted, but i remembered i didn't cry. I didn't tell mom when she got home, i didn't say anything. After that day , you went on and acted like nothing ever happened in your memory. I , the one who got hurted, remember everything. Now you ask yourself, why does mom treat you that way? Why i never tell you anything ? Why i don't listen to you? It's because you don't respect me in the first place... and yes i did respect you . Not anymore. I hate everything that comes out from your mouth, you never say anything great about us. Your voice annoys my ears so i have to cover them .     4 comments|post comment

The importance of being Earnest, Dirty Dance and Chicago [August 6th, 2005] It seems like these three movies have been fogotten. Well i watched them all on my computer and they were great. Every each of them means something and i understand that. I love them all.

UBC Tournament [August 3rd, 2005] [ mood | jubilant ] http://www.unitedbadminton.com/docs/UBCresults.pdf That's the result for the tournament. So it turns out that i and kenneth had to play with the kids that also plays C the second game, we lost. That's so not fair. If they didn't play in D , i and kenneth would get second well at least. Anyway the tournament was coolio. I got my first medal from my first tournament ever. I got to see goodio players. Great experience. Kenneth's dad is such a nice man, that makes a nice son. I got two tshirts, one from UBC and from Smash City. Though the Smash City is not that nice but it means something to me... badmintOn It's awesome.Badminton, singing, fashion( making clothes and frabics), art are my most favorite things. Those are the only things that i want to be really good at, like almost professional. Next year i will help the captions and coaches plan out practices for team. I hate people underestimate piedmont team. It's bullshit. I rememeber when i was watching Jackie and Mamie playing in CCS, i was recording their game in Jackie's camera. There were these two guys who said " yeah piedmont isn't a good team". I hate the fact that only Jackie and Mamie made it. I don't mean it as bad thing, because Silver Greek didn't even make it. ::sigh:: humm i agreed last season was a waste of time but not next season. I will try my best to make it counts. I can't promise myself that yet cause i have to be a lot more better than i am. Wow i only have 15 bucks, my shoes hurt my toes when i ran too fast to the bird and yeah. My racket became a little hard to clear when i'm tired. So i want to get the mp100 and get the shoes later when i really need it. Oh boy i don;t want summer to end. I have a lot of things that i want to do. 2 comments|post comment

Fall 2005 [July 29th, 2005] Hollister AE   Nordstrom sale  omg it's on sale for $13.90 -_- ::tears:: i wish i didnt break vincent's raacket   post comment

[July 21st, 2005] Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog. You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content. What's Your Blogging Personality?

thanks ahahaha [July 20th, 2005] Useful The Useless Quiz brought to you by Quizilla post comment

An old story of mine [July 9th, 2005] [ mood | ditzy ] My freshman year, i used to have a crush on a senior guy. I had the gut to IM him and talked to him. It was pretty funny how i made him guessed who i was. I never told him that i liked him. So we were always friend. In sophomore year, he had a girlfriend and they were pretty nice together; at that time i was over him. He told me that he had a crush on me. -_- I was and am always afraid to tell my feeling. I'm scared to get hurted eventually. But when guys expressed their feeling to me, i pushed them away and i was embarrassing by their complements. I told myself never to fall for anyone and i never did. I didn't want to say "I love you" to someone I only liked. Like and love are different, I have to respect and be responsible to what i say. I already made a mistake my freshman year; i became a girlfriend of whom i didn't like. I'm still mad until this day. Since then i was TOO careful in picking out guys. It's like no one is good for me but there are.   This test is pretty true. Very intelligent, you are usually thinking, introspecting, or analyzing. You have a good mind, and you are especially good at finding out the truth. Very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You tend to obsess over wisdom and hidden truths. You are likely to become a authority on any subject you undertake. Operating on a different wavelength, most people don't know you that well. Very logical and rational, at times you tend to lack emotion. So much so, that you often have times coping with emotional situations. You are not very adaptable - you may tend to be overly critical at times. post comment

Happy July 4th [July 5th, 2005] [ mood | calm ] WOW it seems like forever since the last time i wrote in here. I went to play badminton with my bamdinton buddies and bintang like almost other times. It was pretty fun i guessed but i didn't get to warm up at all. I lost to all the games with a cramp. I had to wait for twenty minutes for the stupid light rail to come. As i grow older i don't seem to share my thoughts and what i do to my parent. They don't even know that i got a small job or what i really really want to do with my life. If they know i want to be in music or anything with art, they would freak out and go on and on with the long lecture about money and life; it bores me. I seem to know who or what kinds of person my friends, my parent, my brother and the people around me are through the way they talk, and act; although i may not know what they are thinking. I understand them so much that sometimes I'm even scared of them, but i guess none of them ever knows what my thoughs are. It's because I don't know how to describe my feeling, I put my feeling into poem. When something happens, I write it in poem. When I'm sad or happy I sign with the random rythm in my head. hehehe it's kinda right that i don't tell anyone what i actually do. 4 comments|post comment

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